Talking to You Again Reminded Me Why U Left You

In recent years, Carolyn has utilized Facebook to reach out to onetime friends and rekindle old bonds.

Interested in reconnecting with friends from the past? Just be enlightened that non anybody is interested in rekindling that bond.

Beth Macdonald from Unsplash.com

Practice Yous Want to Reconnect With Old Friends?

A while ago, I tried to find some people I knew in the past through Facebook and LinkedIn. I received few responses from those I contacted. I woman I was looking for I considered i of my best friends in higher. We stayed in touch for a number of years afterwards we graduated. Then she went dorsum to her home state, got married, and had kids. Over the years we lost bear on.

I had been trying to find her for years. Facebook finally gave me access to her email address. In my message, I expressed my dandy happiness that I plant her and asked about her life over the years. She gave a courtesy response, and some bumming 'hope yous're doing okay' type of comments. It was terse and impersonal, and it hurt.

I wondered why she was so distant. I even so smile when I think about her and our college friendship. I wanted to encounter and talk to her over again. It was clear, though, that she had moved on.

Her apathy made me think nearly the whole concept of reconnecting with old friends. Facebook and other social networking websites have made contacting old friends and relatives easier to practise. After a while of soul searching, I decided that I have to have that some people exercise not desire to assemble again with people from their past.

8 Explanations for Why an Sometime Friend Doesn't Want to Reconnect

Why practise people put others out of their life? Why don't they want to re-connect? I made a list of the various potential scenarios why some people exercise not want to know you once again.

1. They've moved on. They're not in high school or college anymore. They put that experience in the past and on a shelf. They are unlike people with totally different lives and interests. They recollect of you every bit a person who wants to talk well-nigh old times. They'd rather not.
2. In that location are aspects of their past they don't want to re-live. They do not desire to be reminded. I remember calling one person years ago for fundraising. She was a classmate of mine. She said she did non have a pleasant high schoolhouse feel. She asked me to please take her name and number off the fundraising roster. Her comments reminded me of her tenure at the school. I could encounter where she might have had a difficult time then and doesn't want to have bad memories pop up every year.
3. Their plate is already total of friends, acquaintances, and relatives. They are happy to hear from you, only that's all. They believe they don't have the fourth dimension for one more person in their lives.
4. You did something to the person in the past that actually hurt. He has moved on emotionally and doesn't desire whatsoever further contact. The issue for you lot is that you don't know what you did that caused him to still have negative feelings toward you lot. He isn't going to tell yous, and then you volition never have the opportunity to make restitution.
5. You don't live up to their expectations. Perhaps when they looked you lot up on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Twitter, they felt that your achievements didn't live upward to their expectations. There is no payoff to knowing you lot. As far as they are concerned, yous are not at their level.
6. Perhaps the person doesn't believe they are at your level. Their best accomplishments were done in college. They peaked then, and at present don't desire you to see them stuck in time.
7. Perhaps he or she is a quondam lover. The good and bad memories are still fresh in the listen. At that place may nevertheless be embarrassment at how y'all broke upwardly. He doesn't know how the two of y'all would currently receive each other. Fear will forestall a person from re-connecting.
8. Perhaps they really don't know or remember you. Y'all were firmly impressed when the two of you worked on a project together. Just for him, you are a mistiness in his mind. It's like receiving an invitation from a person on LinkedIn.com, and yous haven't the slightest thought who the person is that is inviting you to link to his account.

As Time Goes on, My Desire to Reconnect Grows

Facebook and similar social networks no longer let you to exist hidden. It'southward like going to your loftier schoolhouse or college reunion. Seeing how people take changed over the years can be startling. Weight gain, pilus loss, bad relationships, drugs, and alcohol abuse all accept an impact on how you run into yourself, how y'all want to be seen, and who wants to be seen with yous.

One has to connect with other people in the world. The older I get, the more I feel that demand. Some people are afraid to reconnect. I can't actually be aroused or upset because someone doesn't want to know me again. I've done the same thing at times. But it still hurts, and I'm sure the ones I have failed to connect with feel the same almost me.

I have to be honest with myself. I may never know what kind of impression I have made on a person. Lack of acceptance sometimes is hard to acknowledge. I don't program to intrude on the life of people I one time and even so consider friends. They aren't obligated to want to know me again. But I do want to acknowledge, even if just once, that there was a bespeak in time, I was happy to know them, then and now.

© 2012 Carolyn Gibson

Suzie on August 08, 2020:

Thanks for this excellent article! It was spot on for my situation now. I've tried to re-connect with several old friends merely with no luck. I'll move on, too and try to make new friends!

Bungle Pignuts on July 06, 2020:

I have been pursued by a former female platonic acquaintance on fb (I'm a man). Quite honestly I wish them no sick will only it was 20 -33 years ago. I've institute the confidence to pursue the things I enjoy and, while I'grand probably the same person as are they, I doubt nosotros have much in common any more. There was probably a romantic thread from me somewhere in there too only unreciprocated and we are both happily married for 25 (them) xx (me) years (or I am and they appear to be) then there is no merit in risking that being reignited. And then I've ignored them on FB when they "found" me after xx years and as a result they take very recently taken to commenting on my posts in an increasingly snarky fashion the longer I don't respond. Rather than block them I've simply ended my FB account and shut down social media except for LinkedIn which I employ for work. An acquaintance, unlike a dog, should non accept to exist for life.

Whorl to Go on

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Ranga on Dec 15, 2019:

Nice Article. Recently I went through the same feel and I was injure. Your commodity gave me some solace. Thank you.

Josh on Baronial 09, 2019:

Fantabulous read. This is non just a problem that furnishings females only either. I recently turned twoscore, and I don't know if it was a midlife crisis, but I really started thinking a lot most my youth, and the people in my youth. Somehow I felt as though if I could re-connect with those people, I would have the same pleasure I had when I was younger. As hard as it is to take, y'all just take to accept that many people that you knew accept just moved on, and that'due south that. I watched a video recently where a this therapist type was talking about how the past is the by, but information technology's non real. It was existent at some bespeak, but it isn't at present. What'south real is rite now, and that's it. Cheers once again for the read. I enjoyed it.

Lauren on March 24, 2019:

Yes I know what that'due south similar I've deleted people from Facebook considering they didn't desire to be friends anymore information technology was fun in high school then I've been the i to non want to know someone a guy a neighbour in fact is the i I don't want to know anymore he puts his girlfriend first all the time and he did that in loftier school too then he's immature is what I'm saying

Lexi on December 12, 2018:

I am in this situation right at present. I've known a girl since heart school and we're in our late 20's now. Every few years or and so she wants to reconnect with me only I have some very bad memories when it comes to our friendship. I wasn't a great person and so and now that I've changed, I don't want our friendship to remind me of the person that I was, every bit she definitely used to be the kind of person who would always point out your flaws.

I've seen her a few years dorsum and her attitude was mainly the same every bit it's always been. No, I don't desire to talk about old times as I've hated the old times. Who I was then is no where almost close to who I am now, and I would detest for her to tell my new friends stories about how I used to be. In her mind, people don't change and they aren't allowed to. I've seen that a few years ago back when we were most 24.

I judge my point is that people grow upward, change, and movement on and the mature thing to do would be to accept that and make new friends. What isn't healthy is when a person clings to a relationship from middle school/loftier school and the both of yous are nearing 30. Even if the frienship endding had something to practise with you, the best thing to do is not to dwell on it, accept things and focus on the people who really do care about you and want y'all in your life. This story just reminded me of a situation that I am in now, and felt like getting it off my chest.

Troy Bell on November 05, 2018:

People come; people go; life goes on and the bicycle continues.

Judith Kavanaugh on June 27, 2018:

awesome article. At that place are many i dream of. I have actually drunk spammed my mentor as I am terribly deplorable nearly her decease.

Brenda Hubbs on April 24, 2018:

DRM, you may like hearing from old friends and you may exist normal. Others can be normal and Not desire to hear from friends they haven't heard from for decades. Both can be normal. Please don't guess what is normal based on what works for y'all.

DRM on Jan 21, 2018:

You may be over thinking this. All normal people like hearing from old friends from the by and if the relationship ended on a bad notation, who cares. Normal people have matured past a few negative episodes to capeesh having a pleasant conversation with a person. Not proverb you volition have much in common after that but you lot will notwithstanding accept fun talking about the old days. Never assume aging is maturing. Understand studies accept shown the 75% or higher of FB users are neurotics or course high in narcissist testing. Their only out there to self promote and anonymously site their opinions on social topics. As well, you lot'll probably have some phone calls with some former friends that are at present part of the 75% and you'll wish they didn't called you back. To increase your success rate wait at their page and postal service and stay away from the heavy users or wait negative or no response. Their just looking for likes and followers to feed their egos. And so keep trying and enjoy the journey. Endeavour linkedin, had very skillful success there.

Jo on October 29, 2017:

This is why I'm not on Facebook!

When people drift from your life or even suddenly leave your life, there are reasons - sometimes personal and sometimes not.

Life moves on and peopld change.

Facebook gives the illusion that nosotros tin can all stay in contact and be friends forever.

I personally value my privacy and where I am now is where I am now, non ten years agone.

I cherish the memories of friendships past but if they're not present in my life now I know there's a reason - mine or theirs.

Facebook is a pox upon the planet!

You lot used to exist able to travel and be faraway, simply travelling with a fried who was on Facebook showed me that Facebook keeps you entwined with others you lot may hardly really know.

It'due south a trap methinks.

And a massive distraction from the existent people and places that actually ARE in your life.

It's okay to say farewell, our paths are going dissimilar directions.

The by is the past and should stay there - in my view...

Sid on Jan xviii, 2017:

I re-connected with a friend, after eight years and got this response:

"not sure what you want from me. But at this point, I am not too curious to get chummy or friendly with y'all again. I want to leave information technology at this"

I was shocked to become this response. Agreed, the person was not a very close friend, all the same, I did consider the person to be a friend and nosotros had moments and just time was gone. I was shocked with the response, needless to say, have never had this sort of a response and had to find something to brand sense of it all. And your article came and and I feel much ameliorate after reading what you have said and some of the comments. I am set to wrap my caput around this and just move on.

Carolyn Gibson (writer) from Boston on April 11, 2013:

Thank you for your comment. Trying to figure out why someone wants to know u.s.a. again complicates the relationship.

Joy from United States on April eleven, 2013:

dainty elaborated hub... They don't want to know us because they don't have annihilation to get that done from u.s.a.... :)

Carolyn Gibson (author) from Boston on August 06, 2012:

Thank you. Reconnecting is difficult if your efforts are rejected.

Melanie Chisnall from Greatcoat Boondocks, Southward Africa on Baronial 06, 2012:

I've had similar experiences over the last few years. I had a friend that I'd grown up with literally since we were both in nappies, until I moved away when I was 13. I reconnected with her on Facebook more than a decade later, trying to mend the friendship, only by then it was already likewise belatedly. Nosotros tried emailing, but it was strange - we had grown so much apart during that time, nosotros didn't know that much about each other anymore. Social media is great for reconnecting, but it does take some getting used to when you need to realize non everyone that was once a office of your life, would desire to reconnect once more as much as you lot do. Very interesting article!

Carolyn Gibson (author) from Boston on July 03, 2012:

Thank you lot. I've go more cornball for past relationships every bit I run across my nieces graduate from higher and brand great efforts to stay in touch with their friends.

StrictlyQuotes from Australia on July 03, 2012:

What a neat topic! Your experience and honest advice is appreciated. There'south a friend from my past who I wish I could find on FB just I haven't been able to locate her, she is probably married now with a new surname. I'd exist upset if I did observe her and she wasn't as thrilled every bit I was to re-connect. And so, your story really moved me.

Carolyn Gibson (writer) from Boston on February 10, 2012:

Thank you all for your comments. Information technology took me a while to write this hub because it is personal to me. Your comments assistance me to remember that letting go of the past is sometimes a good thing. And, your positive comments have encouraged me to write more hubs from my own experiences.

Marie-Grace from Travelling, Always on Feb ten, 2012:

Sadly, and then much of this is so true. It can be frustrating to see people exit your life that you considered so important.

hecate-horus from Rowland Woods on Feb 10, 2012:

I had a few friends on Facebook that I reconnected with and it didn't seem to go well. It's truthful, nosotros have all changed. Voted up!

Jeannie Marie from Baltimore, Physician on February x, 2012:

Reconnecting with old friends tin can be so rewarding or so disappointing. There are some people I would love to observe and others I would honey to hide from. It is funny how feelings modify over the years, too.

Neat hub and voted upwards!

greekiegrl25 on February ten, 2012:

Beloved this!

RJ68 from Memphis on Feb x, 2012:

You know Carolyn you lot are so right almost not reconnecting to some people. I know a lady that I grew up with and we were all-time friends until nosotros moved in together and she inverse. She became a person that I didn't even recognized then I cut off the friendship and never gave it some other thought.

Even so nearly two years ago, I saw her again for the first time in over ten years. What fabricated me realize that this is one person I never desire to deal with again is that fact she is still the aforementioned person she was back so. No growth or maturity and however doing the same things. As people abound older you lot would think some things they would put behind them. Just oh well such is life. :)

Carolyn Gibson (author) from Boston on February 10, 2012:

Thank you for your comments. Information technology'due south sometimes difficult to allow quondam friends go. It'southward an ego buster. Nonetheless, it creates time and opportunities for new friendships to develop.

americanwriter from USA on February 09, 2012:

A thoughtful article! Thank you. Information technology reminds me of what one-time first lady Eleanor Roosevelt is quoted equally saying, "What other people think of you is none of your business concern." Information technology i difficult not to care! I think she had information technology correct. We can put our friendship out there open our hearts and our hands and if they aren't accepted we should put them back in our pockets and keep them warm for the adjacent lucky person we let into our lives!

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on February 09, 2012:

Carolyn, I can relate to "The older I get, the more than I feel that demand." Y'all have given some pretty expert reasons why some of the quondam friends take moved on. They're part of our past. Allow's take advantage of the present.

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Source: https://pairedlife.com/friendship/Some-People-Do-Not-Want-to-Know-You-Again

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